


Icarus

by nymphstreet



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Not Happy, like this is not a Fun time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 05:05:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15623178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nymphstreet/pseuds/nymphstreet
Summary: The fact that I'm in love with him plays no part.





	Icarus

**Author's Note:**

> this is super short but i like it anyway? 
> 
> also this is based on icarus by Emma Blackery [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TklEhgZql4Q]
> 
> check me out on tumblr ?? xxx (https://nympahdcra.tumblr.com / https://sillingtonsouls.tumblr.com)

 

The fact that I’m in love with him plays no part. His eyes slipped closed as he screamed his words of fury at me. Me, with my temper, it aches and aches and I still fight back. It’s been years, but I still wonder if he remembers the feeling the Crucible forced. The tug in my stomach feeling like it was pulling me to the beginning of everything. The beginning of the rest of my life. It was all him, him, _him._ It still is. He is just as much an angel of the sky, mesmerising and ethereal, now as he was then. They laugh with him as he feasts on the corpse of my resolve. Somewhere along the twisted line that is our relationship. (Ha. Relationship, don’t I wish it). I can’t run, I can’t hide and I’m so, so close to being found out.

I love him.

I love him, I love him, and I love him.

He hates me.

I’m a Pitch. I have too much pride to back down from the challenge he poses. I can’t just run away, what would that then prove? I can never back down, I can’t just let him win. It’s all a mess and I wish I wasn’t roped into this from the beginning but here we are. I wish I could say I knew for certain how this whole thing will turn out, but I can’t. I can take a pretty good guess though. We’re on opposite sides of the war, there’s just no hope. I will die at the hands of Simon Snow. And I will die loving him effervescently. He is the sun, and I am flying far too close to him. 

Perhaps my ego is my fault, I was raised to hold myself to the highest caliber, I take pride in being the best. It’s the only thing I have going for me. I am not worthy of anything more than studying and dying. It’s what I was born to do. I just wish I didn’t have to hide myself anymore. I wish I could just be a teenager. But I can’t. Because I am not alive, and I am merely a soldier to the Old Families. I am just a pawn. They keep talking and talking, I just want them to stop. Stop. Everything they say hits me again with a sense of reality. This is really happening. I have to fight Simon Snow, they want me to kill Simon Snow, but Simon Snow is just a boy. He’s just a boy and I cannot kill him. And I love him.

I’m just trying to be right for them. But I’m not, and I can’t. I think I signed my ‘death’ warrant a long time ago. Well, I’m already dead, but, by the hands of Simon Snow, I will get my eternal rest.

I’m their Icarus, and I will fall.

The cracks in my facade are showing, I’m just so tired of fighting him. The ocean of death waits for me, with open arms he will send me to my sleep. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

It’s time.

The fact that I’m in love with him plays every part. His eyes slipped closed as he screamed his last words of fury at me. And then there was red. And then there was black. Silence.


End file.
